follow your heart

I ended up baby-sitting a kid yesterday for about five hours while her parents played in the casino. And got dinner, apparently. I guess something about me says "Hey, I'm A Magician! I Will Watch Your Kids For You!"

I didn't mind, really. It was just nerve-wracking because it's not like they asked. She just ended up sticking around with me. I played cards with her, between my shows.

I think I've come down with a case of S.A.D. Or at least the Swallow part of me has. Even on nice, sunny days I just feel so lethargic and moody. Anyone else get like this at this time of year?

I really wish I hadn't planned to be in NYC for so long now. But I guess I should make the most of it. I'm so used to Halloween in Vegas that a New York Halloween could prove to be interesting.

Although I don't have a costume.

Or anyone to celebrate with.

I'm a big idiot.



[private]

I hate Tony. I hate him for doing this to his family and I hate him for making me exist. Cos I don't want to be the physical embodiment of an affair. I don't want to be a constant reminder of something that never should've happened.

I just want to have a family that loves me. And because of him, I can't.

At least I've got Mother. But why did she have to tell me about Gus? It's like showing a kid a toy that he can't ever have. Because he's not good enough.